Contentment

Tags

, , , , , , ,


Contentment. Ew. I hate that word. I know it is supposed to be a good thing but i just dont want to do it. I want time to go by faster and I want to have what i want now. I dont want to be content with where I am in life. I despise where I am right now. I know that i shouldnt and i would be a hell of a lot happier if i would just suck it up and deal with it. I should be happy where I am. I just got a new job working part time, making the same money as i did full time. Im pregnant with a precious baby. I love my husband, (I dont know how he deals with me). We have 2 beautiful boys and they are so healthy and happy. Why would i not be content?

I think my issue is control. Some things in life are uncontrolable and this makes me so mad. It makes me so mad that now, after moving, my midwife will not be able to deliver our baby. I have to go to the same doctor that delivered my baby Dom Dom. We did NOT get along. My doctor was all about intervention. Sometimes, intervention is nessessary but it makes a lot more sense to support the bodies natural functions rather than to take in into our own hands. We are just humans… Psht. We are nothing. God on the other hand, He knows. His design is perfect. Why ignore it?

So, this is where I am. I’m stuck with a doctor i dont like, and I can’t have a natural birth in my own home because of state law. Im PISSED. Just one of the many things that I do not have control over. I just keep thinking over and over, “If only we never moved” or “If only I hadnt quit my last job”. I know it doesnt help to think like this but im bitter. I feel my life is out of control just because its not in MY ccontrol. When I was in college, before i had a family i was so flexible with my life. I went with the flow and wasnt worried about anything. I also had much greater faith then. One step forward and two steps back. My fault, but thats the way it is. I have to fight so hard to get that back.

James 4:8 KJV
Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.

So according to this I guess my first step would be to cleanse my hands. Boy, double minded is right! I want to be content, and give God control but the sinful part of me says screw that! Im going to be selfish.

A lot for me to think and pray about. Gardening is going to be my prayer time. I feel closer to God, its something i do twice a day without fail, and its quiet. Soon to come pictures of my growing garden!

Flowers

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,


My flower garden and potted plants really took off! I have really gotten into reading and studying all of it. My sunflowers are about 2 inches tall, My sweet basil almost died when it got caught in the rain one night. I didnt realize it was raining till morning. I was so afraid of root rot, because even though my pots had drain holes, them the compost i used really held the water. It was like heavy mud. So i poked a hole in the dirt, and stuck a tampon in it. It actually sucked up a lot of moisture. Then, I brought them inside and placed them by a sunny window. Fifty percent of my basil was lost from my accidentally leaving my flower pots in the rain. One sunflower out of fourteen died of root rot, and seventeen out of thirty marigold sprouts. The rest of my potted plants are ok though, Rosemary, Ageratums, Snapdragons, Chamomile, Thyme… there’s more but i can’t remember at the moment.

I think this is something I would like to do to make money. Maybe set up a small greenhouse on the side of our yard and put up a sign. Flowers for sale. I sure wouldnt need to charge much to make a profit. I have almost nothing in supplies. People keep giving me pots at garage sales. Oh! Speaking of garage sales, I picked up a food grinder that you make applesauce and spagetti sauce with. They also had a waterbath canner with the rack for ten bucks. They are out of their minds! I find those things every other sale for a few bucks. I passed on that one, although i do want one to go with my pressure canner that i still cant figure out how to use. Ill come across one soon enough. I am having great success of getting the tools im going to need to live self sufficiently. 🙂

Image

Cloth Diapers and Canning

Tags

, , , , , ,


I bought a pressure canner at a garage sale. Today I tested it out to make sure it worked and I can’t figure it out! We had a pressure canner before, but we had it rigged and lost the weight. (Good old-fashioned moonshine!) Anyways, The canner has this little back dot on the lid, beside were the weight goes. All my pressure was escaping that hole and the weight didn’t show anything. Whats going on? Does anybody know? I tried to look on the internet and couldn’t find anything. I’m thinking it might be broke, but whats the dot SUPPOSED to be for? While I try to figure out my canner though, I’m still enjoying my vegetable garden. All my green bean plants are doing great, but my tomatoes and peppers are a little over watered. Oops. This gardening thing is trickier than I thought but im learning so much! It is all a process. My husband and I talked in the car today on the way to get milk for the baby, about cow’s milk vs. goats milk. He went to school with a girl who became a vet and has her own hospital down the road from us. She has a field full of goats and i may have to stop and say hi. Maybe I can get some goats milk? I read on the frugal girl’s blog her post about unpasteurized milk today after my talk with Dan – perfect timing! I have reposted this a few minutes ago. I mentioned before i wanted to try cloth diapers. I finally found the plastic covers in Dom’s size today. Its going to take me some practice to get it done fast enough for Dom to be happy. I keep fiddling around with it thinking it’s not on perfect and it’s going to leak. To my suprise, it never leaked. He hasn’t pooped yet though. So far he has gone through four diapers. I just put him to bed but i used a regular diaper. He always wakes up soaked. I hope once these diapers we have are gone I will be used to it and can put them on at night. Somebody told me today about how they tried cloth diapers and it lasted only a week. It was very discouraging because it reminded me how hard its going to be. If they couldn’t do it, then how could I? I have tried to take it as a challenge though, I am determined! I have to try to turn negativity into something good! I have to let it inspire me to do what I set out to do. I have a mission and a vision. I have to do this.

Starting my veggie garden

Tags

, , , , ,


Well, I kind of got distracted with my gardening the past few days. I did do my veggie garden, I planted tomatoes, green beans, carrots, and onions. We will see how it all turns out. That was all pretty easy since the garden was already there. I just tilled it up and planted my veggies. I also planted Thyme, Rosemary, Sage, and Chamomile in pots for inside. None of this took very long so I got to thinking, what about the flower garden? There are a ton of pretty flowers out front around the pond but you can barely see through the weeds. There are so many different antiques, concrete statues, and neat little homemade garden accessories. I got birdhouses and pretty lights, colorful stones… I have everything I need!

This is some hardcore gardening! I got my battle wounds all over my arms and legs. I hate shoes so i have been outside barefoot digging up rocks and building the walkway around the pond to the front door. I’m having a lot of fun doing all this but im definantly discovering muscles. It feels so good to be covered in dirt and digging. The earth and the plants smell so good. This reminds me of one of my favorite classics, “The Grapes of Wrath.”

“The tractor sheds of corrugated iron, silver and gleaming, were alive; and they were alive with metal and gasoline and oil, the disks of the plows shining.  The tractors had lights shining, for there is no day and night for a tractor and the disks turn the earth in the darkness and they glitter in the daylight.  And when a horse stops work and goes into the barn there is a life and vitality left, there is a breathing and a warmth, and the feet shift on the straw, and the jaws champ on the hay, and the ear and the eyes are alive.  There is a warmth of life in the barn, and the heat and smell of life.  But when the motor of a tractor stops, it is as dead as the ore it came from.  The heat goes out of it like the living heat that leaves a corpse.  Then the corrugated iron doors are closed and the tractor man drives home to town, perhaps twenty miles away, and he need not come back for weeks or months, for the tractor is dead.  And this is easy and efficient.  So easy that the wonder goes out of work, so efficient that the wonder goes out of the land and the working of it, and with the wonder the deep understanding and the relation.”

Steinbeck describes it so perfectly. America messed with something it shouldnt have. Our way of life. Now life is so different and people like me have to fight against it. The government is trying so hard to make sure we can’t get that life back. We have no freedoms anymore.

“For nitrates are not the land, nor phosphates; and the length of fiber in the cotton is not the land.  Carbon is not a man, nor salt nor water nor calcium.  He is all these, but he is much more, much more; and the land is so much more than its analysis.  The man who is more than his chemistry, walking on the earth, turning his plow point for a stone, dropping his handles to slide over an outcropping, kneeling in the earth to eat his lunch; that man who is more than his elements knows the land that is more than its analysis.  But the machine man, driving the dead tractor on land he does not know and love, understands only chemistry; and he is contemptuous of the land and of himself.  When the corrugated iron doors are shut, he goes home, and his home is not the land.”

This is how I feel when I am gardening. I am one with the earth. I can relate to her and I understand her. This is the closest I can get to God besides the Bible. God created me and He created all the elements to work together so perfectly, it will provide for us, and sustain his Children. I do not want to live in a world that is man-made, it would be like telling God, “I can do it better on my own”